Monday, March 22, 2010

First Day of School in Seldovia

This town is so small it doesn't even have a school bus so we have to wake up early and walk to school. On our way to school a google eyed monster tries to block our path. We throw giant snowballs at it and this gives us just enough time to dart past the terrible beast. We are so scared that we hold our breath and run as fast as we can all of the rest of the way to school. When we walk into the school it is emptier than a leaky clam bucket and it smells like one too. We tiptoe into the principals office and notice a black folder on her desk. It says:

Enrollment Requirements

-At least one black, green, or pointy tooth
-Horn in back of head
-Stinky Feet (smells like onion)
-Beard (the longer the better)
-Really, really, long fingernails
-One Eye (extra points for patch)
-Long Nose Hairs

We are worried now, because we don't have any of these things (except for maybe the fingernail part).....and it looks like they won't be letting us go to this school. Just when we're about to leave, a walking light bulb with a big smile comes out and locks the front door. We think its the teacher and we ALSO think she is from another planet. She grabs us by the back of our coats and drags us to class. The classroom looks like the movie set of Frankenstein. Our new class mates look like monkeys and goats, and even like Frankenstein himself, and they are all staring at though we are the WEIRD ones!

The teacher shows us to our desks and tells us that we need to get started on Math right away. "Every day we do math for FOUR hours," she says, "and then after that we do oral language, and then after that we do science." "Today we're working on an enlargement potion for the classroom hamster." For math we count how many eyeballs each student has and we are shocked to find out that we are the only ones in the whole class with only two. We have never felt so normal in our whole lives!

The only fun part of the day comes when the teacher messes up the formula for Hamster enlargement and horns grow out of the hamsters head instead. We laugh so hard that Mrs. Light Bulb takes us to the office to see the principal.

The principal offers us a choice of fish eyeballs or raw clams to snack on. When we decline, her face turns bright red and steam comes out of her ears. She screams "Dragon, Dragon, Dragon!!!!" at the top of her lungs and then she opens a door in the floor by her feet. We can't believe our eyes when a dragon pops out of the floor, sniffs her bucket of eyeballs and clams, and then heads straight for us! We can't tell you how the rest of the week at the Seldovia School went because the dragon ate us instead of the clams. We don't blame him.

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